Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Nonfiction I've Been Reading Lately

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Goodreads) - This book gave me a mental concept that I've been using all the time since: All the conflict resolution skills in the world won't help you if you don't like someone. And if you like them, then conflict resolutions suddenly becomes tremendously easier. See also: Simple Affection and Deep Truth.

I recommend this book to anyone trying to build and maintain close long-term relationships with other people, romantic or not.

Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids (Goodreads) - A short read, and remarkably convincing. The author makes a ton of effort to emphasize that he is NOT saying that you should have kids if you don't want them. It's restricted to a very narrow claim, which is: if you already know you want kids, and you like kids, and you're not having more because of what a huge cost they would be, maybe you should consider having more, because they're probably not as costly as you think.

Eating Animals (Goodreads) - This book makes a credible attempt to be a discussion of the practice of eating animals without saying "... and so you should obviously be a vegetarian." I found the discussion of small, humanely-minded farms and slaughterhouses particularly interesting.

Your Money Or Your Life (Goodreads) - A great perspective on how to treat money not as a measure of worth, not as a natural phenomenon that rises and falls like the tide, but as a resource which can be both accumulated and wielded to do what you want. I especially like the framing that money is "something you trade your life energy for."

Even as someone who's already drunk the Kool-Aid on frugality and financial independence, I found it helpful. I haven't tried the specific techniques of tallying up actual net worth and income and expenses, but I've been feeling unsure about my level of impulse spending lately, and this seems like a great way to handle that.

I also really liked the start of the book, which is about changing your relationship with money while you're still working for wages. While working towards early retirement, it's often easy to lose sight of the fact you're living your life now (as seen in this Reddit post, and the commenters there). You can't wait until you have "enough money" to start living it well.

The Commitment (Goodreads) - I was expecting this book to be about commitment and the experience of deciding to commit to someone. It wasn't that at all. It was about having decided to spend the rest of your life with someone already, and then deciding whether to go through the social motions of having a ""wedding"", with all the baggage entailed in that.

Lots of funny anecdotes, though Dan Savage's humor is sometimes cruel (nominative determinism strikes again!).

This book might be very moving to someone who is struggling with the question of what the social institution of "marriage" means beyond the commitment to another person. For me, it was an interesting reflection on a problem I don't have.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Meritocracy vs. Trust

[Partially a response to The Craft is not the Community.]

Whenever a group of humans get together to accomplish some goal, there's a fundamental tension between meritocracy and trust.

If I know you can reject me for lack of skill, I may worry about this and lose confidence. But if I know you never will, I may phone it in and stop caring about my actual work output.

Both meritocracy and trust contribute to a functioning project, which is what makes this difficult to balance.

Trust Improves Productivity

Psychological safety is the sense an employee has that they are able to make mistakes in front of their coworkers and not be immediately rejected. According to internal studies of teams at Google, psychological safety is a major predictor of team productivity.

This makes sense to me from the inside, because I've done much better work on teams where I feel safe enough to ask lots of questions. If I don't feel that way, it often means I waste tons of time struggling with questions or problems that would have been easy if I'd asked for help.

This is acutely important in software development, where every person tends to have their own fiefdom of special knowledge with no application to anywhere else, and which is extremely time-consuming to acquire. In such an environment, asking a question can be tremendously more time-efficient in total than every person acquiring the knowledge themselves.

But if an employee worries that they'll be perceived as less efficient or productive when they ask questions, they may not ask the question. This is bad from everyone's perspective, but especially the employer's.

... But So Does Meritocracy

But employers need to be able to fire poor performers, and sometimes being a poor performer means having to ask for help more than you should.

As an employer, you have to figure out how to design incentives so that your employees trust each other enough, but you can enact consequences when you need to.

Minimum Hiring Bars and Other Solutions

One solution is to lie to your employees and tell them you'll love them no matter what, while holding a checklist of "Bad Employee Traits" behind your back. This doesn't work very well, because people aren't stupid.

A solution for employees is to have a team that trusts each other, but not upper management; in this way, they will be able to ask each other for help, while knowing that their team members will cover for them if necessary. This can have bad long-term effects, because poor performers with lots of friends may be protected from consequences, ultimately dragging down the organization.

Another solution is to give up completely on one in order to maximize the other. For example, Netflix takes the extreme end of the "meritocracy" question (and pays people a ton of money to make up for it).

The solution that the plurality of tech employers use: Have a minimum hiring or entry bar. Get all your meritocracy out of the way first. Once you're in the club, you're in the club, and we'll trust you to get things done however you need to. The downside here is that when employees start on a downhill slide, it'll take you longer to react to it, because you're giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Belligerent Welcoming

"Nerd culture is so unfriendly!" I've heard people say from time to time. "Star Trek posters! Inside jokes from geek TV shows and book! It's so hard to be a programmer when you're not already a part of it!"

To this I say: What?

Here's what happened to me when I started to get into geek culture in late high school and early college. The conversations would go something like this:

"Oh yeah, 'nuclear wessels'! Ha ha!"
"... huh?"
"Oh, have you seen the Voyage Home? The fourth Star Trek movie?"
"No, I haven't seen any Star Trek actually."
"Oh! My friend! You're one of today's lucky 10,000! Come on, let's watch it right now!"

This is an approach I call "belligerent welcoming." It can be tone-deaf, and it can be insular, and it can be socially awkward (how many times have I had things explained to me that I'm not really interested in? Many). But you know what it's not? It's not exclusive. It's not unkind. It comes from a desire to share genuine excitement about your culture. And this, not an elimination of the culture, is the way to make programmer and nerd culture more welcoming.

It's not "You're part of our culture already." It's not "There's nothing for you to learn, or prove." It's "You're not a part of our culture... yet! Growth mindset!"